It’s the start of something new!

Today, I want to mark the start of my new journey.

I am going to write much more frequently, create things inspired by the things that influence me the most, my emotions. 

I am in the process of creating a new self hosted blog. I am finalising the name, coming up with logo ideas, unpacking the boxes of books filled with terrible handwriting and words in every order. This is it, I’m getting serious!

This NAME TO BE REVEALED blog with have a theme of growth, both physically and mentally. You will be able to follow my journey through gaining a good mental health, the process of art as a form of expression and get a real insight on how mental health can affect the individual and the people surrounding them.

In my imagination, I can see this project running smoothly, showing people far and wide exactly how mental illness can affect absolutely everything!

But that is something only time will tell. Keep checking in for any updates! You’ll get to hear everything here first!

 

SCW

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First rant of 2016

We don’t choose anything in life.
We are influence by absolutely everything that surround us. You may believe you have total control of an aspect but you don’t. You have been conditioned, not intentionally I should add.
You think we are free? Wrong
You can be an individual, just not completely.  Most of us have to get an education, go through at least 9 years. Then while you’re learning you’re expected to choose a career path. You learn some more and basically work for the rest of your life.

You have to find someone to love, to trust and to spend the rest of your life with. You create life just so they can do the exact same.

You can move to different countries,  do different jobs,  have none or eight  children, love one person or ten, be rich and famous or poor and unknown  but guess what…..

We all live and die.

The probability of being remembered in 200 years time is pretty slim.

So why is it so difficult to just live happy, no war, no crime, no hate?

Finding a motive

It was rainy, the sky grey with no signs of stars. The sound of the rain was like a fast march from an army of soldiers at war. I had a long day full of stress. I could not bypass the offer of seeing you. Rain would never be a problem, missing your smile and the way you said my name is the best motive I could find.

My meditation for 2015.

“There is in every one of us a wanting and a knowing and with this tension there comes a freedom to express, to explore and to give and to want and to have and to not. And amongst all of this, there is love.

For love is contained within all these things. It shines brighter, we think, in those moments that would appear to bring with them more hope, more laughter, more knowing.

Yet when you look into the opposite, you find that often there is more to be found. Often, there is much more love there than there may be in the place in which you would expect to find it.”

No title – just words

You can dream without being asleep.
Don’t say anything, don’t make a peep.
Listen in silence, to the world and the moon.
It’s the tranquillity that will make us meet soon.
You’re as beautiful as life,
Which come to think of it, isn’t so great.
You’re the thing that makes it better.
You’re the ridiculous handmade Christmas sweater.
Cute, thoughtful and made with love.
You make me feel like I’m out of this world and above.

Protected: War

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Is this something with you would be impossible
These are just phases
We still have years to go through yet

Protected: Undesirable

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I Exist

I read something not that long ago and it’s been stuck in my head. I tend to write about the things that stick with me the most but it has taken me months to want to get it out of my head.

“What if life itself had no meaning, it was what we do that give humans meaning”
It started a cluster of thoughts, over thinking times ten.
How do we know we have done something meaningful?
Is meaningful simple or hard?

Questions that need answering, please?

Dreaming wisdom

In a dream,

my conscience said “To succeed in life, you must experience life itself”

I can’t help but wonder what I conjured up in my head.

I feel negatively over life itself at the moment, but is that not a part of life?

So after a week of over thinking and reading. I have come with this;

To live is to feel; to love, to dream, to hurt, to lie, to miss, to cry, to love a whole lot more.

I don’t believe there is a meaning to life, only to live.

Random thoughts

The thing is, I’m lost in the world
I have no idea what I’m doing here
I have no idea what I need
Though I want so much
Sometimes it’s easier to just dream
Dreams are a different reality
Something that’s not going on
I’m so damaged
I can’t even comprehend why
I just love so much
And hate so much more.
You know when people say they need to find themselves? That’s what I nee to do.
Forgive and forget never works
It’s more like never forget and always hold that grudge.
I’m stuck in a rut
I’m stuck with life

Protected: A feeling, a thought, a secret

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You

I see you,
All the time,
In my mind
And through my eyes.
I feel you,
More than often,
Skin so soft,
Your touch is never lost.
I hear you,
Most of all,
The gentle beating of your heart,
And the whispers in you voice.

It’s comforting
to see you
To feel you,
To hear you,
And most of all,
To know you.

Dream with me

I
Lay down and watch the clouds float by,
Listen to the whispering lullyby.
As the boat rocks,
you’ll begin to fly.
It’s a different world in my mind,
It’s not a journey but a ride.
I wonder where we will be going tonight.
II
Catch a falling star with me,
Watch it all come true.
Can you see it?
Can you see what I see?
The skies are clear and blue.
The world is simply spinning,
The universe is too.
Now we’re out in space,
Let’s see what we can do.
III
Watch the planets form a line,
So we can explore in order.
Here comes an asteroid belt,
Let hitch a ride on a rock.
Jump off and go back to earth,
Now nothing is the same.
It seems like I’ve created a world,
Where people scream out my name.
Fame and fortune have arrived,
And now I guess it’s time
IIII
This world has become ever so bright,
And quite a bit blurry.
The sky is blue no more,
Just grey and cloudy.
A boat arrives,
It’s a rough day at sea.
But I’m asking you now,
To stop listening to the melody.
Now count to three,
And go back to reality.

1-2-3

Could you dream this life?

Could you be as controlled as I am?

I’m just ranting to my page.

but yes, Shari you’re an idiot.

nothing can save you

if you don’t believe anything can?

I’m sorry for anything

and I forgive you for everything

I miss you 

I hate you

I love you

If something was complicated 

I’d feel for them too!

 

Just a scribble

Does the wind blow through trees and rustle the leaves?
Does the moon look the same where you are?
Everyone is different but the world is the same.
Now I have no idea what to say.
I’m so happy and I’m rather content.

Paranoia.

I see you staring,
Its like you know?
I feel you breathing,
Its like you know?
I watch you blink,
Its like you know?
I hear you smaking your lips,
Its like you know?
My heart is beating rapidly,
Do you know?
I’m in a panic,
Do you know?
My eyes are darting,
Do you know?
My pulse has soared,
You’ve left in resentment.
You must know.

Take a moment.

Its the beauty in the world that we all cease to notices
And the beauty in our heart we tend to ignore.
I want you to take your hand,
I want you to feel your heart.
I want you to open your eyes,
And take this moment in,
Become the beauty that surrounds you.

Babble

Its the strangest thing
Its the strangest dream
Its the strangest path
Its the strangest stream
Its the strangest journey we all seem to take.
It’s the strangest mistake we all make.

Untitled.

You would see the loneliness and you would see the pain,
only if you took a moment to search my brain.
Don’t call me a liar, don’t call me fake. I’m in hundred percent truthful to what I am to date.
I would hide,
I would cry but see I have a twinkle in my eye.
I dream of more, like you do too.
My ambition is greater than my mind has power.
This is how we should all fight our battles.

In the distance.

A shadow of the illuminated city afar

gives a never-ending feel to life

you can hear the sirens of police cars

and the horns from the parading traffic.

You know the earth never sleeps.

Everyone should feel so small

as this sphere we live in is just so big.

The majority of this glorious planet is covered in water,

If i had a boat, i would sail

to see meet the edge of this land.

but we shall never meet the edge, we shall keep going round

it’s that infinite feeling again.

 

Light

Every ray of light, every golden emanation,

shines through the clouds, offering emancipation.

It’s that sense of freedom that brings us hope.

and it is hope that makes use determined.

Determination is the key to success. 

We can be who we want to be.

Whatever route we may take, always look back to the light. 

Light reminds me that there will be another day.

Another attempt on being the best I can be.

I’ll always advise not just myself, but everyone of you,

to not give up, never give up.

This is your chance to make a difference, your time to shine, to light up.

If all of this was described as beauty, then you are beautiful.

 

Not understanding.

I’m at this point were everything could be incorrect and I wouldn’t even notice. It’s like the whole world is conspiring against me and the only person that is working with me is me.
I could watch the sun and moon pass me night by night but it would blur together. A connection is all I am searching for. God should be my main connection, but it’s like we just don’t see eye to eye. I feel that i am begin to do wrong but once I change to what I think is better, it becomes wrong. I’m just a confused person at the moment.
That needs to change.

To be connected to The father, the son and the Holy Spirit is my only desire.

Realisation.

A heavily breathing forest hums with the air
trees whispering softly as the buzzing bees dance
Birds in a choir; searching the rays.
The sun don’t shine much down here.
As the creeping willow offers me a perch, I realise this moment is beautiful.
I’m so close to the earth; it’s with me as I breath’
It grows deeper in beauty, i know everything around me lives.
The baby birds are frolicking in bushes
While the ground beats it’s heart like a drum.
It breathes while we breath and she’s still young
She is glorified with radiance and she lives with humanity.
The earth was created for me, not just me but us.
We’re all in sync, like clockwork.
We all tick like the same clock connects us together.
Just think about how we remain alive, this world is more alive then we shall ever be.

Looking around

The hum of the wind, a majestic breeze
begins to emancipate your soul.
Stars in the dark night sky are glowing welcomely,
You are meant to be in this place.
The sand below you sparkles,
As the moon illuminates the rippling waves.
The trees are beginning to whisper,
the darkness seems to be more condensed now.
Glistening city lights afar; unperfected beauty.
Somehow everything that mattered vanished.
You were connected to the air as if you could fly,
there was a sense freedom as you were slipping away from reality.
Church bells choir, embellishing the world.
Beauty is all around; life is beauty
Tranquility being the key to you universe.

Catch up with myself.

When you dream, you see what you want to see, you see the world in your own interpretation of beauty.

When I dream, I cannot even tell. My fantasy’s blur into reality.

Obviously, I’m just blabbing on because I haven’t posted in a while.

I only want to focus on one thing, I can not multi task.

I had so many plans for myself and I knew no matter what it was I was not alone.

Now, I’ve never felt so alone. I’m just so disconnected from this path.

It’s getting to this point where I do not want to do this any more.

I just want to be the Shari I was.

My old ways we’re better.

Life was easier.

Sorry….

Buckets list. 8/38

1.    Sky Dive

2.    Bungee Jump

3.    Get a tattoo

4.    Grow a rose bush

5.    Visit Niagara falls

6.    Fill a book with poetry I’ve written

7.    Travel across Italy

8.   See the aurora

9.   Abseil down a mountain

10. Have a paint fight

11. Learn to surf

12. Go snowboarding

13. Fall madly deeply in love

14. Road trip across America

15. Go to china

16. Read all of Paulo Coelho’s books

17. Make someone’s life better

18. Shower in a waterfall

19. Run a marathon

20. Make a fire while camping

21. Kiss under mistletoe

22. Get married

23. Write a letter to a soldier

24. Preform on a stage

25. Fly first class

26. Go to a drive-in or outdoor film screening

27. Steal a street sign

28. Bake a rainbow cake

29. Kiss underwater

30. Catch fireflies

31. Send a message in a bottle

32. Scuba dive

33. Get a vinyl player

34. See a psychic

35. Para-glide

36. Go on a girls holiday

37. Go to Disney

38. Make a scrapbook for my buckets list

 

Beautiful moon